Too much

I’ve taken on too much. Possibly. Probably.

Maybe not.

Teaching a bunch of English conversation classes, some far from my home necessitating lots of driving, a restaurant guide blog with two reviews a month, a new client for revisions on a website, these blogs, two books I promised to read and leave reviews everywhere on amazon across the world, barnes & noble, goodreads, etc., starting to write a book… yeah, maybe too much.

Oh hell who am I kidding.

My ADHD meds have been reduced because it seems the type I’m taking isn’t good for me really, it’s increasing my anxiety levels to a frightening level, so my brain is reacting in a weird way: it’s getting overwhelmed by the running hamster on a wheel, just like before when I didn’t take anything. I’m seeing a direct link between the reducing of the meds and my enthusiasm in writing my book. I’m also more irritable, impatient and tired.

This would not be the time for me to chat with those people who told me ADHD isn’t a real problem, it’s just a new trend in psychology to sell more pills, it’s a new way of medicating kids with behavioral problems so they leave teachers in peace by making them stupid, and all those other ignorant, self-righteous, ignorant (I know I’m saying it twice) comments I heard from self-centered people who finish their opinion with “I’m impulsive sometimes that doesn’t mean I suffer from ADHD or need meds”. I’d smash their heads in the walls.

Writing… but not here

I’ve been writing a lot, but not here. I started a novel and feel this need in my gut to write. The inspiration comes and everyone out, I have to write.

Then I read over what I wrote.

Good god, I suck. Well, maybe not suck. It’s not that bad, I’ve read worse. That’s not an excuse to write crap though. I’m struggling with the feelings. I’m overusing adverbs like the reader needs me to hold his or her hand to get the emotion that’s played out. I have to take some out, it’s boring.  I’m underestimating my reader. One blogger I follow who’s a published author says never to use adverbs. Hhmmm..

I have to read a bunch of stuff about how to write. Lots of good bloggers out there who blog about writing and publishing. Must get to it.

Still, I’d love to be able to construct a story and tell it well. That’s what I like to read about. I presume other people too.

I’m off to write another chapter. See you later!