F*@%k F*@%k F*@%k

Pfff…. Another medication in the toilet.

Biphentin not only gives me painful acne but joint pain. And here I thought it was old age…

I’m only taking a small dosage to gradually increase to a dosage that would work and I’ll have to give it up, like the other ones.

I am so sick of this ADHD thing you have no idea.

Was it better not knowing? I wonder… I didn’t know I had it, thus lived my life thinking I was incompetent and a scatterbrain but now I know why I’m incompetent and a scatterbrain and I can’t do a bloody thing about it!

 

It’s not easy.. but then what is?

Raising children isn’t easy. Cooking an edible turkey isn’t easy. Picking the fastest check-out lane in the supermarket is never easy. Sometimes getting up in the morning isn’t easy.

But writing? Shit. It’s fucking hard.

Try it with ADHD and meds that don’t work.

It’s like running with your head against a wall, your nose squished sideways and your feet sliding down the wall every time you try to take a step…

Torture.

 

Too much

I’ve taken on too much. Possibly. Probably.

Maybe not.

Teaching a bunch of English conversation classes, some far from my home necessitating lots of driving, a restaurant guide blog with two reviews a month, a new client for revisions on a website, these blogs, two books I promised to read and leave reviews everywhere on amazon across the world, barnes & noble, goodreads, etc., starting to write a book… yeah, maybe too much.

Oh hell who am I kidding.

My ADHD meds have been reduced because it seems the type I’m taking isn’t good for me really, it’s increasing my anxiety levels to a frightening level, so my brain is reacting in a weird way: it’s getting overwhelmed by the running hamster on a wheel, just like before when I didn’t take anything. I’m seeing a direct link between the reducing of the meds and my enthusiasm in writing my book. I’m also more irritable, impatient and tired.

This would not be the time for me to chat with those people who told me ADHD isn’t a real problem, it’s just a new trend in psychology to sell more pills, it’s a new way of medicating kids with behavioral problems so they leave teachers in peace by making them stupid, and all those other ignorant, self-righteous, ignorant (I know I’m saying it twice) comments I heard from self-centered people who finish their opinion with “I’m impulsive sometimes that doesn’t mean I suffer from ADHD or need meds”. I’d smash their heads in the walls.